When growing up we often get scared and just want to know exactly what is going to happen, when and how. Thing is the future is the unknown, we're not supposed to know, I figured this out recently.
I'm 16 years old, I recently started 6th Form, Year 12. I am taking English Literature, History, German and Religious Studies also called, Philosophy, Religion and Science. Each of these are pretty heavy courses and each of these have teachers who love giving me lots and lots of work. The thing is despite the love for these subjects that I have and the enjoyment I get from them, I have zero motivation.
The reason for my lack of motivation is that I don't really feel like it matters at the moment. I have the feeling that in growing up this past summer, I have grown apart from some of the people closest to me, from myself. So, right now, I don't see why I should be aiming for success if when I achieve it I have no one to share it with and go 'look how far we've come.' I always thought I was independent and I am but it turns out the reason I comfortable with being alone is because I know ultimately people are always there. I'm not sure they are now. That's scary. That's life. That's my next challenge; screw letting people leave, pull them back because adulthood is going to be long and hard. It will also be rewarding, share that with others.
When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That's always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna grow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up
Seems like folks turn into things
That they'd never want
The only thing to live for
Is today...
I'm gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don't wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna have to shout it out
I don't want my hair to fall out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wanna have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up
Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night
And I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
Nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old Tomb
On Grand Street
When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
Fall in love and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up
Tom Waits
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